Joke of the Weekend XII

Understanding corporate lingo

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We hve no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:
You must be childless (and remain that way)

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATIONS SKILLS:
Management communicates, you figure out what they want and do.

I AM EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I've used Microsoft Office.

I AM HONEST, HARD-WORKING and DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.

I AM PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I AM EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:
I've changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:
I'm never at my desk.