Joke of the Weekend XVIII

My boss...

1. My Boss has learned to be cautious. Failure taught him that.
2. My Boss isn't a total failure. His Boss helped too.
3. If ever we need to simulate a problem, we invite my Boss to the meeting.
4. Normally we don't except sloppy work, but we make an exception for my Boss.
5. If my Boss was a energy plant, he'd be a 'power failure'.
6. As hard as it is to believe, my Boss has a will of his own. His attorney wrote it.
7. My Boss recently completed 'Excel for Dummies". Now, the rest of us are reading "The Dummy Unleashed."
8. My Boss returned from his evaluation looking very sad. He said "I can't figure out why my Boss hates me. I haven't done anything."
9. My Boss' business philosophy is "You can fool enough of the people some of the time."
10. My Boss doesn't mind work. Its thinking that scares him.
11. Comments on the first day from my new Boss "Over the years I've trained 3 people who eventually became my Boss. I guarantee that's not going to happen to you."
12. My Boss canceled the weekly status meetings on a project long overdue. She said "Every week its the same thing. Let's wait until something happens, before we meet again."
13. I interviewed with a company and then didn't hear back for over a month. I had written them off, and was surprised to get a phone call from my Boss-to-be, asking if I was still interested in the position. When I said, "yes," he said, "good, because our first two choices got better offers."
14. In their absence, management left my Boss in charge. They wanted to see the 'worst case scenario.'
15. My Boss recently joined my car pool. I now know, I can lead my Boss to work, but I can't make him think.
16. "Yes, I've read your proposal, but I can't support concepts before management's review." Typical political maneuvers by my Boss.
17. "I really love that spreadsheet. I did 10 what-ifs and I liked them all." Comment after seeing his pie-in-the-sky sales forecasts.
18. Management posted a flyer, on the employee bulletin board, supporting a $0.00/hr minimum wage. They claimed that even an employee earning $0.00/hr, benefits from the experience of work and the learning process. Frankly, I earn a salary and I don't see the benefit.